Relationships in Second Life: Answers bring up more questions.

Not too long ago, Alicia Chenaux put out a series of questions to the SL bloggers that dealt with relationships in SL. I feel like I’m probably the last person thats finally getting around to answering.  I was kind of back and forth on answering this, because I don’t know how Keeme feels about being blogged about. But of course, I only have good things to say. 🙂 And, I don’t know for sure how often he reads my blog anyway, so here goes.

If you are in a relationship in SL, where did you meet?

I think it was sheer luck that we met at all. Back then, Keeme didn’t log into SL as often as I heard he used to. But I can still remember that moment pretty vividly. I was pretty new to SL still, I think I had only been in world maybe two weeks or so. I was over on Podcast Island, hanging out on the Pickle stage that used to be my landing point. When I noticed a dot appear on the map, I camera’d over to see who it was.  Keeme was inside Rich DeSoto’s tiki hut, when my camera caught up with him.  I hadn’t listened to Keemecast before, but I had heard his name mentioned many times over the years on other podcasts. I remember thinking, “Oh, cool! Its Keeme!” But I was too shy to go over and say hello. Back then, I was hesitant to approach people- especially on Podcast Island. I was still so new, and was never sure if I’d be bothering anyone. I took my camera off Keeme and went about my business- probably doing something in another window. Its funny to think how easily that could have been the end of it- Chug and Radar later told me that sometimes he would go months without logging in. Luckily, he noticed me by the stage and came over to say hello. I was really glad that he did, and said something like “Its Keeme!” when he came walking up. From there we got into a conversation about podcasts, and I was telling him how I came to Second Life. He asked if I had a podcast, and I said that I didn’t. I always wanted to, but never knew what I wanted to talk about. He asked me a few questions and then came up with a couple hilarious scenarios for me to podcast about. Right away, I liked his personality and sense of humor. He rezzed a magic carpet and took me on a tour of Podcast Island, and then from there took me to see a few cool places he knew about. Midnight City was the very first place he took me, and I was really taken in by the cityscape and detail of the buildings. I hadn’t been to any neat sims in Second Life yet, so I was impressed by what I was seeing. I asked if he minded if I took a picture, and I’m really glad I did. Its the earliest picture I have of us, when we had only known each other for maybe a half hour.

I hated to leave that night, but I downloaded his podcast to listen to the next day at work. He was as funny on the podcast as he was when I met him, if not more so. And he had such a great voice that immediately made me smile. Those were the first two things that really attracted me to him. Enough so that I emailed him a few days later to say hello, and persuade him to log back into SL sometime, so we could hang out again.

Do you think if you’d met the same person in a different location in SL that you’d have gotten together?

I’m not completely sure.. I think it would depend on Keeme. Again, I was kind of shy about going up to people I didn’t know back then, so who knows.

If you’re a woman, do you regularly get hit on when you’re in world?

I think this happens more often than I’d like, yet not as often as it happens to most other women. I tend to be pretty reclusive at times, and I mostly keep to myself. When I’m on Podcast Island or at a blogger/plurk meetup, I’m a completely different person, because I’m around people with a common interest, and thats when I feel most comfortable. Otherwise, I really don’t explore or socialize very much. Now and then I do get hit on, but I usually tend to avoid that situation as much as possible.

If you find out that the person you’re talking to has skills that you may not, does it intimidate you?

Keeme has a lot of skills that I don’t have, but its never occured to me to be intimidated by that. I go to him for help, or to answer questions. I’m very fortunate that he’s so patient, and such a good ‘teacher’ when it comes to things like building, or showing me how to use Audacity, or fix something I’ve screwed up in world. 🙂


 Do you think being bloggers has affected your relationships? If you are with a blogger, does it change how you are with them?

I thought this was an interesting question, because I don’t consider one having anything to do with the other. I guess I can see where some people might always wonder if their partner is going to blog about everything they do or talk about, but I really don’t have that sort of blog. I do mention Keeme in my blog a lot or post pictures, but its usually just something funny, or some silly thing we’re doing. As for Keeme, he has a blog as well.. but his blog is not Second Life related, so this world doesn’t really cross over into his posts.

I think this question applies more to us as podcasters, which is something I think we both take more seriously. In addition to Diamonds and Rust, we each have our own (non SL) podcasts that we do seperately. Its still a really tough question to answer, because we did meet in SL and a lot of our interaction is in Second Life, which we don’t talk about on our podcasts. (Except maybe in passing.) We do mention one another in our podcasts from time to time, but refer to each other as ‘a friend’. Which we of course are.. but its so much more complicated than that.


Which brings up a whole slew of other questions, regarding relationships in SL vs. in real life. I’d post them here, but I don’t have nearly as many readers as some other SL bloggers out there.. and I’m afraid it would almost be wasted here. But maybe some others can repost them on their own blogs, because I’m curious.

If you have a relationship or partner in SL, how does that extend into FL? Do you consider yourself just friends, or something more?

How often do you talk to your partner outside of Second Life.. be it via email or IM? Do you ever talk on the phone?

If you could meet your partner in person, would you? What do you imagine that would be like- where would you go, or what would you do?

Do you feel like having a relationship in Second Life is similar to having a long distance relationship? Or is it a different type of relationship, entirely?

If you met through an online chat, do you feel you would have developed a relationship? or the same level of relationship? (Question by Casandra Shilova

Feel free to tack on any extra questions that come to mind. I’d love to hear what people have to say. Post in comments, or better yet- repost on your own blogs. I’ll answer these when I’m able to figure a few of them out. 😉


~ by Nika Dreamscape on July 18, 2008.

8 Responses to “Relationships in Second Life: Answers bring up more questions.”

  1. Ooh, questions!! I’m going to answer, since I’m almost always the asker, not the teller. 🙂

  2. The world is such a small and strange place sometimes. I opted not to post a poll this week because I was worried the questions that were on my mind were too controversial. After reading this I see that you are thinking some similar things as I am, and since you offered to let me steal your questions I may just do that 🙂

    I think about SL vs. FL and where the lines are drawn fairly regularly. I know I am confident where my line is, but I see it get blurry for those around me, and it’s blurred for me in the past. The key is open honest communication about expectations and boundaries I think.

    Great post!

  3. I added my answers to the questions on my blog too.

  4. Hi, I responded on my blog

  5. Ooops, didn’t realize the website didn’t post when I said I responded – sorry

  6. Keemes two cents
    Had it not been for Nika… I would no longer be in Second Life. She is my reason for being Keeme Brown.

    */Hug Nika*

  7. well to answer a cpl questions…Yes I want to meet the man of my dreams blokeman in real life. And yes I consider our relationship long distance only cause we moved it to real life.And we talk when we can on the phone cause we dont have time to meet up in sl too much anymore cause we are working extra to save money for me to go be with him in Australia. I am from the states btw so yeah 17 hr difference wich makes it super hard. We been together for 13 months and still very much in love.When I first met him he was at social sands dancing all by his lonesone so I said to him…I bet u never seen a gothic chick on a pole b4!! lol…Then he took me showed me a ramp on the island and taught me how to simboard.Hence hes a skateboarder in rl…

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