Back. Off.

Tonight I encountered an ‘issue’, and I’m wondering if this has happened to some of my other friends out there- especially the girls. And if so, how did you handle it?

Here’s a little bit of back story. A few days ago, I was hanging out somewhere and playing slingo like I always do, and some guy comes up and strikes a conversation. I have to admit, I tend to be a bit reclusive at times, and most of the time if that happens I make brief small talk and then find an excuse to teleport (or fly) away. This instance was slightly different, because he was only commenting that my avatar wasn’t rezzing properly for him. (He said I was showing on his screen as a ‘big rotating ball’.) I went into edit appearance which cleared up the problem. At that point he commented on my avatar and hung around to chat for a few minutes. Before he left, he asked if we could ‘hang out sometime.’ I wondered how exactly he meant that, but gave him the benefit of the doubt, assumed he had checked my profile and just wanted to be friends, so I said sure. The next day he IM’d me and we talked for a few minutes about random things- slingo, live music in SL, etc. I had to leave but when I said goodbye, he wrote ‘*Places a kiss on da cheek.*’ I responded with, “Heh. I wouldn’t recommend that, I have a jealous partner.” and promptly logged off. But it bugged me a lot, and I felt like maybe I was being an asshole to him for no reason, or over reacting. I wondered if I could have handled that better.  (Hence, my cranky twitter posts that day that a few people wondered about.) The whole thing made me feel VERY uncomfortable, so later that day when I came back online, I got myself a floater text making it quite clear that I was taken.. just so that kind of misunderstanding wouldn’t happen again. I figured maybe some people don’t think to look at the Partner field in profile, so having floater text would put up a big red light to anyone who might be thinking of talking to me for that sort of reason. Since this guy and I hang out in the same area, I knew I’d run into him again, and it would be awkward. Sure enough, he TP’d in later on, saw me, and made a beeline in the other direction. I felt kind of crummy over it.. partly because I wondered if I was being a jerk, and partly because honestly, it would be nice to make some more friends now and then. It kind of sucked to have it confirmed that it wasn’t necessarily friendship he was after. A couple of hours later he came by long enough to say, “Damn! I don’t care if you are Keeme’s chica.” He took off again before I could really respond, so I let it go.

Fast forward to tonight, when the following conversation happened in IM.

[18:43]  Guy: sigh i need a sl job
[18:43]  Guy: something temporary that can earn me linden
[18:47]  Nika Dreamscape: sometimes clubs hire DJs or hosts
[18:48]  Guy: i cant dj or host lol
[18:50]  Nika Dreamscape: why
[18:51]  Guy: cuz dont know how
[18:52]  Nika Dreamscape: go to a club and watch the hosts, sometimes. Generally you great people who enter, invite people to join the group, send out group notices, maybe run a contest
[18:53]  Guy: oh but dj you need a stream prog dong you
[18:53]  Nika Dreamscape: yeah DJing would be more complicated and I don’t know anything about that, but a host job is more straightforward
[18:53]  Guy: hmmm cool
[18:53]  Guy: ill c what i can do thx nika
[18:54]  Nika Dreamscape: sure
[18:54]  Guy: *kisses you on the cheeck because he doesnt care about your boyfriend in sl lol*
[18:54]  Nika Dreamscape: I care about my boyfriend in SL
[18:54]  Guy: i dont 🙂
[18:55]  Nika Dreamscape: sorry then, may be best that we don’t talk in that case
[18:55]  Guy: lol wow
[18:55]  Guy: your an awesome girl and thats a bad decision but its up to you
[18:57]  Guy: so whats your decision

I didn’t respond to him again after my last comment. I guess my silence spoke volumes about what my ‘decision’ was. I have unfriended him from my list, although I know I’ll still run into him on a daily basis since we play at the same slingo place. I refuse to find another location, though. Screw that- either we can ignore each other or he can find another place to go.

I talked to a friend of mine about this on IM the other day, when he asked what my twitter post was about. At the time, he told me that the guy was a jerk and probably only after one thing, and that I had no reason to feel bad about it. I was still giving him the benefit of the doubt, though.. figured that last comment about not caring if I was Keeme’s chica was just his way of breaking the tention and making light of the situation, but after tonight I can see that wasn’t the case, and my friend was right. I still feel uncomfortable though, like I somehow did something wrong. Or like I said- that maybe I could have handled it better. So I’d really like to hear from the rest of you out there.. how do you handle it when something like that happens? Was I an ass?

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~ by Nika Dreamscape on June 12, 2008.

4 Responses to “Back. Off.”

  1. I think you handled it quite well, I don’t think you were rude at all and had you been even more forceful about it, I think that would have been ok too.

  2. I probably would’ve responded the same way you did. You were very polite, you were kind and let him down gently, you explained your position. He’s trying to make you seem unreasonable and in the wrong by saying that it’s your decision (implying that it’s your fault you guys can’t remain friends). That’s probably why you feel uncomfortable and vaguely guilty. This is emotional manipulation and I hate it when anyone tries to do that to me. My suggestion is to mute him and don’t spare him another moment’s thought.

  3. Hey! Quit posting our private conversations on the web! j/k.. hehe

  4. Setting what is acceptable and what is not is a basic part of sl/rl.. I get attention im not always wanting too.. i think everyone does at some point.. when it gets too aggressive i just say “keep your pants on” (usually a bit late cuz their pants are usually off.. but they get the idea.. i think)

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